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How to Kill a West Virginian Eel

Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age, rathercurious. He had been hearing quite bit about "courting" from the otherboys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he tookhis questions to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead ofexplaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtainsone night and watch his sister and her boyfriend. This he did. Thefollowing morning Johnny described everything to his mother.

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned offmost of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her." I figuredSis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. Hemust have thought so too, because he put hand inside her blouse to feelher heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as thedoctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

Finally, I found out what was making them sick a big eel had gotteninside his pants somehow! It just jumped out of his pants and stoodthere, about 10 inches long. Honest! Anyway, he grabbed it in one handto keep it from getting away!

When Sis saw it, she got really scared. Her eyes got big, and her mouthfell open and she started calling to God and stuff like that. She saidit was the biggest one she had ever seen. I should tell her about theones down at the lakes.

Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head offAll of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go. l guess it bit herback.

Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took amuzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the head of the eel to keepit from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it,and he helped her by lying on top of the eel.

The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing andher boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill theeel by squashing it between them.

After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Herboyfriend got up and sure enough, they had killed the eel. I know it wasdead because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides werehanging out.

Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they wentback to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. Bygolly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fightagain. I guess eels are like are like cats. . . they have nine lives orsomething.

This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it.After a 35 minute struggle they finally killed the eel. I know it wasdead this time because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel off its skin and flushit down the toilet.